It was a dark…pitch dark…and whatever I thought was the world, and true to the best of my knowledge…I imagined and created the world from I what I heard….sometimes loud and scary…some times soft and lulling and sometimes really melodious….sometimes far off, and sometimes really really close.
As heart wished - I dreamt! Everything was picture perfect…beautiful rose smiling…oh yeah pink and red ones…ma favorite!! J Spider web…with tiny dew drops on them…Soft and cozy cozy teddy bears, breezy days …cuddled in mommy’s loving arms!! Caring Dad & loving Mom…to whom I mean the world…and meant the world to me.
Long awaited...to see my mom…I hear her all time from her warm womb…even when she is asleep I hear her…I know her the best…I hear her Heart beats…I read her through her heart beat…I hear her breath all the time…!!
Finally the day came, when I could open my tiny eyes and look at all that I dreamt of…it was not dream any more…very much true and solid…there she holds me for the first time in her arms…but wait a min she doesn’t look happy…she is crying..!! But why??? Ok I never dreamt of this…wanting to be in her lap…but I am resting next to her totally unattended!! Hmmm I am gonna complain about this to Dad. Oh here she is talking to me. what‘s she saying?? Its first time ever mom is talking to me and I can’t get a word…greatttt! Ok here we go out together…its cold…the world is much more colorful than I ever imagined…
There I am laid inside a dirty bin…this doesn’t feel good!! Ohh no, she is leaving…to my shock she utters last few words to me and leaves. I watch her as she walks off, still hoping a look back, still hoping she will turn around and come running to grab me in her arms, kiss me all over and say I will never again do that to you. I knew here it all ended. The world now is going to be totally different. Did I do something wrong? Can’t believe my dream is already ending….my heart skipped a beat…I screamed out…in my own language…”mom come back….my heart is calling you….don’t leave me mom” I begged…in the only language I knew. I knew this is it…my struggle has begun. The one you loved the most has decided to ditch you!! And I knew not why!
Even as she cried and hastened her steps away the only thing I knew was, she is not doing any justice. Whatever the reason be, I am not to be punished. Unknown alien world and lie there helpless at the mercy of passer by!
Dark sky…twinkling stars…I am still hoping against hope that she is going to be back. I am an orphan. The lady I trusted the most, I knew the best, has turned me down. The night is never ending….
I stared at the one watching me from high above, and questioned, why? Why? Why? I had much more to ask but no words!! I only said “take me God, I feel rejected. I can’t take any more pain!! I am lonely, take me back into your loving bosom…take me now…the world is cruel…I have no trust now….I have no one now…I need love”.
Today I write this article with only one thing in my head “I really dint deserve to be ditched so badly” Don’t do this…don’t let your beloved down…it dries one completely! All dreams in vain!! One thing I learnt was not to dream, coz they are after all dream and never come true.
Yes of course I also have say that I fell into the dark because of a Mother and raised because of a mother again. But my perception of love has changed. The day I was in her womb everything was true…it took just a day to change the definition. After all this is life is what I hear…is this actually what you call life?
Gubachi
